Sometimes, footsteps in the dark aren't always a good thing.
I heard them nightly, and knew who he was. I remember his weight, I remember him grunting. I remember being afraid to scream because I was supposed to be asleep and going to school the next morning. I remember repeating the mantra of "I'm a good girl. I don't tattletale." And I remember him clumsily pulling my panties back up and scurrying out my bedroom door.
I remember that bastard and his bullshit excuse of an apology. I was nine and in fourth grade. I didn't want to be that girl who ruined people's lives. I just wanted mine back.
As I perused twitter a few months back and saw the tweet trend "It Ain't Rape If...." that little nine year old girl came back screaming. And continued to scream when I saw the rape episode of South Park. My anger was raw. Mounting. Justified. And all consuming.
I'm utterly disgusted by the desensitized affinity for rape "culture;" though I am hesitant to call it such because I associate the term with sophistication and progression. As a rape survivor it pisses me off to see pop culture trivially throw rape around like a fad.
It is alarming to suggest that rape pathology is celebrated because it is profitable and easy to market. Why is there such a critical distance from what rape signifies and how its demonstrated in popular culture? Are taboo subjects hot commodities for entertainment purposes?
What's even more troubling is how this rape discourse infests (yes, infests) and distorts our understanding of reality. Comedian Lil Duval's runaway tweet trend "It Ain't Rape If..." didn't lose interest for days. Participants gave stupid ass suggestions about how women dress, their physical and mental condition when they told a man no, and other trivial shit that nulls any logic that suggests her sincerity to not engage in sexual activity.
Duval attempted to defend himself but failed to realize there was no guarantee that all the people going in (participating) on this topic were smart enough to realize "these is jokes." There is Forrest Gumpage out there that consumes everything for what it is at face value.
With regards to rape "culture" and blackness, there is a frightening (mis)understanding that they are inextricably linked. Still. Black womens' bodies are, as Abbey Lincoln so fiercely put it, the outhouses of black and white men. Black men's bodies are bestial and sexually insatiable. What we share in common is possession of sex as a power move, and we lack in its ownership. Still.
I still nurse that little nine year old girl's wounds and cringe like she cringed in the dark that night when I see rape politics so easily dismissed instead of dismantled. Are we as a society so fixated on entertainment and scapegoating that we purposefully ignore the ticking time bomb planted in our social interactions?
What will it take? If rape aint rape, what the hell is?
Thanks for sharing Gina. Simply put, this sh*t needs to be said.
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry that you had to go through that. I myself am a rape victim and I know the sentiment. I can't believe that actually was a trending topic but, I am not surprised it came from Lil Duval. Rape is very serious and shouldn't be joked about at all. People are just so ignorant and insensitive.
ReplyDeletecuz it turns out the nature of rape has changed/we can now meet them in circles we/frequent for companionship/we see them at the coffeehouse/wit someone else we know/we cd even have em over for dinner/& get raped in our own houses/by invitation/a friend
ReplyDeleteExcerpt from "latent rapists" by Ntozanke Shange
Keep working on this-- you are onto something--culturally, intellectually, emotionally. Keep at it.
ReplyDeleteBeing that I am also a rape survivor, this really touched me. Great work, people need to hear this instead of living in the mentality of, "she wanted it" or "that could never happen to me"
ReplyDeletethis is brave and powerful stuff. you're an amazing writer. thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to say that I am proud of you! You have accomplished so much. That's what we do as alums of Albany State University. This post needs to be read by many people who have taken the seriousness away from even the most painful of realities. I appreciate you for sharing this because it will help many women and men. You have a very nice blog and keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteBest,
Antonio Maurice Daniels
Resident Evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThere are some things that are never "just jokes" and this is one of them. That kind of sentiment is exactly why people can be so nonchalant about such a serious crime, why a man can spend more time in jail for drugs than for rape. I am not a rape survivor and I am enraged by the insensitivity; I cannot begin to imagine how those who have experienced such a painful ordeal must feel. Thanks for sharing your story, Regina. We ALL (male and female) have an obligation to speak out against such ignorance...
ReplyDeleteRegina, so sorry for what you've had to endure. Thank you for your bravery in telling your story yet relating it to a larger societal issue. I think rape, as well as other acts of violence done to women, is just not taken seriously by our society. And sadly, many women contribute to the notion you've discussed in your post. There were a number of women RT'ing and adding to that horrific hashtag. I think the first step is educating people on the number of women affected by rape and sexual abuse. From there the media must get involved in telling these stories over and over again until the masses gets it. I think we have to stop supporting and giving passes to entertainers who commit such heinous acts.And hopefully, legislation will one day offer harsher convictions for crimes against women. Thank you for writing about this topic. Too many women have suffered rape and abuse. The insensitivity and miseducation of it by society at large has to stop.
ReplyDeleteSis, you are definitely expressing a sentiment that needs to be heard. I think people who don't know these things first hand tend to trivialize it, like the do HIV and other issues that are critical. But if you've seen it happen (either as a victim or as someone close to a victim) it inflames. I wish more people would think about what they say before they say it.
ReplyDeleteIt aint rape if...wow, make me wonder about those responding to that. To me this shows people arent accountable anymore. The rapist blames alcohol or how she was dressed. Wheres the accountablilty. The IRS didnt let Wesley Snipe say it aint cheating on your taxes if someone else does it for you. America is still running away from accountability. They miles well say it aint my fault if...my 2 cents
ReplyDeleteI too suffered sexual abuse(s) as a child and an adult. In my 30's, I forgave myself; then, I looked in the mirror and verbally named and forgave the sick men who violated my Temple. God is Real in my life. There are Her-stories to be told that will empower, enlighten, heal, strengthen and protect our families. What the (d)evil meant for harm, God turns it into goodness. Bless God from the first breath you take and with every step you make.
ReplyDeleteDarkness is always near. Who will speak up for those who are hurt? Who will spear the guilty with the sword of justice? Sad to read your words, Peaceful Blessings upon you, Ms. B."
ReplyDelete